Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I want a musical about memes.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
try to milk me bitch
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