Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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