Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
