I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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