There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize