I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
