then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
