So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
this is an emotional support booty call
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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