There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
