Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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