Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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