I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
