I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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