I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
