you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
