mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
