im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
