Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
