we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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