Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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