Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i now understand why vodka
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
