I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
