Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
