I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize