Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize