Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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