i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
