so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
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just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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