she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
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Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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