you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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