i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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