eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
