i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Randomize
