he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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