"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
