Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
