Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
