he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
