look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
