Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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