she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
