I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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