We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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