how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
what is it with giant penises always finding me
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
