I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
