Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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