we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
