if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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