His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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