he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
