Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
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WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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