You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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