Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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