U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
