she was so not down for the gang bang
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
