I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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