I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
