you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
