I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize