Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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