Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
