I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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