I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
