I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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