Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
