She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
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