just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
this will be a night to untag.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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