WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
