On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
