Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
